Greetings From the Netherlands
Issue date: 10/11/02 Section: Opinion
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A big hello from the land of windmills, coffee micro-mugs and outrageously priced McDonald's food.
That's right, McDonald's. In U.S. currency a salad there costs what, 99 cents? Not so here, my friend. A cup o'lettuce costs you $2.25. Not that anyone here orders the salads – oh, no, that's much too healthy. It's all about fries with mayo here. Yes. Fries were invented in Belgium, less than an hour away, yet the Dutch order McPomme Frites by the truckload - $2 a carton for an overpriced Dutch version of an American version of Belgian cuisine.
This is easily explained, however. The Dutch would like to minimize contact with Belgium. To a Dutchman, a Belgian is as bad as a Pollock is to an American; in fact, all the classic Polish jokes are standards here, only this time with waffles and chocolate thrown in there somewhere. Anyway, this is all to point out that the Dutch have not invented a single food except hagelslag. (I would really like to take the time to accurately explain what hagelslag is, but in short, people here eat bread in the morning with frosting and sprinkles. YUCK. Yeah, yeah, ok, we eat doughnuts, but I think this is also a bizarre tradition for breakfast).
Which somehow leads me to the coffee. No one in this godforsaken land has ever heard of a mochaccino. And I hope if you ever want to order coffee in a mug that your fingers are very dextrous. Think thimbles. (I know Starbucks is an evil corporation, but GOD, I miss 'em!)
And now for solving the mystery of the phrase "going Dutch"... to put it mildly, the Dutch are cheap bastards. Did you as a kid ever wonder how those cool little vending machines spit out pinched, stretched pennies with designs on 'em? There's a miniature Dutch couple in there going out to dinner, and the waiter has just brought the check. In short, always, always, ALWAYS bring money with you, even if you're eating at a friend's house: "Now, uh, could I get 2 euro fifty from everyone?"
As an added bonus, little globs of mayo in the school cafeteria cost 15 cents.
That's right, McDonald's. In U.S. currency a salad there costs what, 99 cents? Not so here, my friend. A cup o'lettuce costs you $2.25. Not that anyone here orders the salads – oh, no, that's much too healthy. It's all about fries with mayo here. Yes. Fries were invented in Belgium, less than an hour away, yet the Dutch order McPomme Frites by the truckload - $2 a carton for an overpriced Dutch version of an American version of Belgian cuisine.
This is easily explained, however. The Dutch would like to minimize contact with Belgium. To a Dutchman, a Belgian is as bad as a Pollock is to an American; in fact, all the classic Polish jokes are standards here, only this time with waffles and chocolate thrown in there somewhere. Anyway, this is all to point out that the Dutch have not invented a single food except hagelslag. (I would really like to take the time to accurately explain what hagelslag is, but in short, people here eat bread in the morning with frosting and sprinkles. YUCK. Yeah, yeah, ok, we eat doughnuts, but I think this is also a bizarre tradition for breakfast).
Which somehow leads me to the coffee. No one in this godforsaken land has ever heard of a mochaccino. And I hope if you ever want to order coffee in a mug that your fingers are very dextrous. Think thimbles. (I know Starbucks is an evil corporation, but GOD, I miss 'em!)
And now for solving the mystery of the phrase "going Dutch"... to put it mildly, the Dutch are cheap bastards. Did you as a kid ever wonder how those cool little vending machines spit out pinched, stretched pennies with designs on 'em? There's a miniature Dutch couple in there going out to dinner, and the waiter has just brought the check. In short, always, always, ALWAYS bring money with you, even if you're eating at a friend's house: "Now, uh, could I get 2 euro fifty from everyone?"
As an added bonus, little globs of mayo in the school cafeteria cost 15 cents.
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