Genetics You Can Use
Brian Eaton
Issue date: 11/9/01 Section: Opinion
- Page 1 of 2 next >
|
Yours truly is taking Buddhism, Christianity, and Science with the incomparable Dr. McDaniel. In the aforementioned class, one of our topics was the imperfection of humanity in terms of genetic design. In simpler terms, people are designed poorly.
We've got a lot of stuff that we don't need that is actually pretty dangerous. The big example I'll give, for lack of space, is that our breathe–hole and our eat-hole connect, causing people to occasionally choke to death.
Well, of course, a good genetic modification would be to change that. It's rather inconvenient and wouldn't really hurt anything. But why stop there? Here's my list of ideas for genetic alteration of humanity that would make our lives easier:
1) Men should be given brains that work even when there are women around. While I think myself to be a fairly intelligent person, whenever a pretty woman is around me, I have the intelligence and social skills of broccoli.
2) Men's brains should also work on more than one level at a time. Women can multi-task, while men have to think in a straight line. This is patently unfair, because we never know what women are talking about.
3) All women should be born with a little sign on their foreheads. This sign should say "Interested/Not Interested" and come with a little pointer or something that moves accordingly. This would make the lives of men so much easier.
4) Two more arms. It would look freaky, but imagine all the stuff that you could do if you only had two more arms. You could actually work on a car, for instance!
5) Or at least, add a prehensile tail.
6) While we're being freaky, I know at least three guys who want a retractable eye-stalk on their necks, so that they could not only see behind them, but they could move it around and get a third perspective on stuff. I think that that is asking for an eye-gouge, but what are you going to do?
7) Wings would be nice, too. And eagle eyes, which have three focal points and can see forever. Hell, just make me a bird. I'll be happy as long as it's not a goldfinch or something.
8) Also, we need two more knees. Not that we need more joints or anything. It's just that my knees don't work well anymore and I want some new ones.